ABOUT THE POEM: "Shruti" is a tender yet sorrowful recollection of an intense, youthful friendship that felt like an "optical illusion" of love. The narrator details the confusing intimacy—the teasing, physical closeness, and undeniable magnetic pull—from the first girl who ever spoke to him in college. He reveals that he held back due to his reverence for her purity. The poem concludes with the pain of her sudden, unexplained disappearance and the realization that his original heart and character were always an option, never a priority.Far too many years ago-
I fell in love at first sight.
It was an accident.
And later, on the first day of college-
I met you.
You were a teen,
and so was I.
I was the bastard
just there for the college life.
In the third most prestegious college in India.
You were for the engineering degree-army blood-
lively, strong,
family-rooted, yet free.
You were the first girl
who ever spoke to me.
Somehow, we became friends-
roughly, naturally.
How and when
you pulled me so close,
I can’t recall-
just your eyes,
and me trying to guess
what you were even trying-
you weren’t my boss.
Who gave you the power
to play, tease and smack my butt, hug, and kiss me?
Didn’t you mind
someone might be watching?
I was Ronie of this college.
As a friend to compete,
I had to do the same things as you-
and somehow, it entertained you,
liked being alone,
just with me.
Only you had the permission to do stupid things to me.
But-wait-what were you even trying to do?
I had girls queued up just to talk,
But I showed up only for one – my girl.
I could tell when you hadn’t seen me,
and I knew your eyes were searching for mine.
Why did you find excuses to see me,
and turn so lovely each time?
Like darkness spreading across the paths of the heart,
shifting into a distant light
that smiles gently.
You were my girl.
My sweetheart.
Mine.
You giggled every time
our eyes met-
and I swear,
you liked to fly,
to tease,
to stay just out of reach.
And I loved the way
you played in the sky.
I could’ve protected you
with my life.
All I ever wanted
was to see you smile-
my girl, smile.
I held back
when you got all over me-
literally.
Because you were too pretty,
and my touch
might’ve made you dirty.
You were my friend,
you had my respect.
Then one day-
you were gone.
Maybe happy
with someone else,
in a world crafted for women
by wise men.
And I realize now-
I never had a girlfriend.
It was an optical illusion.
The universe sent you
to test me again-
my ability
to make decisions.
You were a fabricated reality.
But what came out of this heart
was original-never a copy.
And I still wonder-
why it never occurred to you
that I was a priority,
not an option.
She didn’t come back,
I was still in the same college-
never even saw her again after that.
And one night in rehab,
When I was one of the three nightmen,
I was thinking-
What if one day there won’t be any greed or ego left in the world,
just like that,
Maybe one day you would feel the originality of my heart and character.
Her name was Shruti,
I called her ‘frooti’,
as she told me to.
