ABOUT THE POEM: The poem explores profound regret and existential loneliness. The speaker finds neither God nor love, realizing their brief existence was marked by cosmic indifference. Through heartbreak ("fell for someone and drowned"), they discover their true self too late. They lament wasting youth chasing an illusion, missing the "magic" while living in "chaos." The piece closes by questioning where their deep, unfulfilled desires go after the self is consumed by loss.Some found God.
Some found the one God carved out just for them.
I found neither God
nor even a fleeting glimpse of my beloved.
The universe flared into being and winked out again-
my suffering had no witness but me.
Existence stretches beyond time,
the way light does.
Even if a god existed,
he never looked; he stayed blind to me.
In the blink of an eye
I arrived
and vanished.
I missed the light of love the same way.
I fell for someone and drowned.
Only then did I recognize my own nature-
my original character.
I’m not here to blame anyone
or demand obligation.
I only regret that I missed the magic
and lived inside the chaos.
I wasted my youth chasing her shadow.
Only later did I learn the difference
between hunger and thirst.
I did feel something-
but what becomes of a feeling
when nothing of me remains?
I’ve longed for someone to call my name;
what happens to that longing
when no answer exists?
Where do unfulfilled desires go?
Insignificant I may be,
but once,
I was the truth too,
and she lived as one inside me.
I know, I know, I know-
those who lack something value it the most.
My truth would never have thought of my name,
not even once.
She lives like a billionaire with two kids.
I die in a rehabilitation center,
arguing with the cosmos.
I could have been real
if I hadn’t been foolish,
or if greed and ego in this world
hadn’t twisted the path,
stealing her away from me.
I can’t look at her now, or even think.
Maybe I shouldn’t wish for anything either.
But I still wonder-
from the heart beating in her chest,
how does the world appear?
Those who don’t know
should remain unaware;
it isn’t necessary to know everything.
Just as God doesn’t know me,
and I don’t know him.
My atoms will scatter and drift
through the same universe she lives in,
where we had met, on some planet, somewhere near or far.
So I will long for eternity to meet her.
Or maybe not-maybe this is punishment enough
for a crime I never committed.
I gift this universe to her.
And now I must go.
But where do I go?
