ABOUT THE POEM: Chapter 65 of Ronie Dinosaur explores the fragile intersection of experience, memory, and self-awareness, examining the ways in which human perception and desire shape our lives. The chapter is divided into three distinct but thematically linked sections: Awareness, Desire and Memory, and Observation. Each section peels back layers of consciousness, from personal experience to the examination of others and society at large. The first section, Awareness, reflects on the nature of living fully in the present while simultaneously processing the weight of past experiences. The narrator acknowledges the tension between feeling and interpretation, highlighting the impossibility of existing in the moment while actively deciding how to navigate it. Philosophical questions arise: what is more important—the act of loving, or love itself? To gratify the body, or allow the mind and heart their own delight? This section emphasizes the liminal space humans inhabit, caught between instinct, reflection, and desire. In the second section, Desire and Memory, the narrative becomes more personal and vivid. It recounts a woman’s interactions with men and her own mind, using metaphors such as lizards and devils to depict the subtle ways she is manipulated or deceived by those she trusts. The tension between appearance and reality is laid bare, as “special friends” are revealed to be opportunistic and self-serving. Amidst this, a decent man appears, offering genuine affection and respect for her autonomy. The chapter follows his perspective, illustrating the lingering impact of rejection and the subtle, unresolved emotions that endure decades later. Through this interplay, the chapter explores desire, longing, and the duality of body and heart, showing how unresolved feelings create an emotional echo that persists across time. The final section, Observation, expands the scope to critique society. The narrator addresses the passive complicity of those who ignore wrongdoing, contrasting the polished surface of propriety with the underlying moral emptiness. The metaphor of “earthworms” and “spineless citizens” underscores the systemic nature of inaction and hypocrisy. The narrator positions themselves as a detached observer, aware of the patterns of behavior that others ignore, and confronts the reader with their own flawed responses, acknowledging personal shame and the private knowledge that separates the self from the rest of the world. Throughout Chapter 65, the writing blends poetic reflection with philosophical insight, raw human emotion, and social commentary. It captures the tension between thought and sensation, desire and action, intimacy and isolation, truth and pretense. The chapter invites the reader to reflect on their own experiences, ethical choices, and the ways in which memory and desire shape perception. The narrative voice is uncompromising, honest, and deeply human, creating a chapter that is simultaneously introspective, reflective, and socially observant.Ronie Dinosaur Chapter 65 – Mixed Martial Arts
Section I – Awareness
Things change on the screen
before I even realize it.
I feel the present fully-
until memory intrudes.
Then it fades.
Awareness hovers in the gap
between sensation and thought,
holding experience without judgment.
It lives there, exactly:
between what happens
and what I make of it.
I cannot live the moment
and decide how to live it at once.
Which matters more-
the act of loving, or love itself?
To please the body,
or let the heart and mind delight?
The question remains:
what do I want?
I exist in the space
between them.
Section II – Desire and Memory
The mind turns outward now.
Old wounds reopen without warning.
A woman likes danger-
or men, yes.
But the real danger is the lizards
that crawl unnoticed on her back,
whispering like small devils:
“Feel no fear, no threat-this is only defense.”
She mistakes the game for seduction
and surrenders herself to idiots.
Her own mind grants them superpowers.
In truth, they were only bloodsuckers.
These “special friends” guide her, care for her,
promise to stay forever.
She believes the closest voices
are also the kindest.
That belief is not wrong-
at least not at first.
Then comes the decent man.
He stands in front of her,
looks into her eyes, takes her hand,
asks plainly to be his lover.
He knows she is free to choose,
and he will accept her answer.
She answers with a number first:
“This many have stood where you stand.”
Later, when he insists, she gives the single word: no.
He leaves.
He never returns.
Decades later, he thinks of her-
not because he has no one, though he does,
but because the body remembers
what the heart once offered
and was refused.
He recalls their friendship
and the quiet betrayal of desire left unanswered.
Two years after the rejection,
she steps into his path and asks:
“Why don’t you talk to me anymore?”
He says nothing.
He keeps walking.
Now he wonders:
Was all she ever wanted just the talking?
She awakened desire in him,
then left it hanging there.
The greed is not entirely his-
yet he is the one who carries it.
He mourns not only the body
but the friendship and trust
that were once real.
He asks himself:
“Where do I put this?
Who holds it now?”
Section III – Observation
My earthworms,
my spineless citizens of this world-
I know how you work.
You do not see the bad.
You do not hear it.
You do not speak it.
You do it quietly,
then return home polished
as if decent people live here.
There is fierce competition among fakes
to prove who is most original.
I am not the seeker.
I am not desperate.
I am the observer.
They made me aware.
I have eaten my share of shit.
Now the plate passes to you.
After the cycle, we are the same-
perhaps a little cleaner.
This character flaw is mine alone.
I keep it, ashamed.
Only I know
what is happening
when you do not.
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